Wednesday, August 31, 2005

if theres nething i could do to melt the rain
(correction made)

snow

Had to smile despite myself. Allahu Akbar.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Zairah and I were talking about ourselves and all that touched us, both profoundly or tragically.

I've known her for so long and yet I realized only that afternoon exactly how much older we had grown over the years.

The simplest observation spurned these feelings: the fact that we talk now, and yet we both know that our conversation needn't end in a resolution of any sort.
Neither of us tells the other that what we want will happen insha Allah.

Somewhere along the line we let go of the illusion that the only way things can or should be is our way.
I guess that's what becoming olders means, in a way. The realization that "haqq" does not mean how things should be, but how things are.


Yes, we're not comfortable with many things around us, but alhamdo lillah we're not droning about how they should be, rather we're thinking of all that we can do considering our specific situations.

Najm Saab (may Allah Bless him for all that he teaches others by merely speaking, Ameen) pointed out that we will be tried and judged not by all that we strived to do in accordance with all the great Momins that we read about, rather we will be tried by the amount of good or evil that we brought upon with all that Allah Blessed us with.

I didn't feel resolved on leaving Zairah's house that afternoon, since our situations had not changed or improved merely by us talking about it. But I felt blessed to have her to talk to and clear my mind with, think out loud, and that mattered so much.

I felt content because of all that stood strong within me, despite of little tremors that take place almost everyday.

Yes, Allah Subhana Wa Ta'ala is the giver of all blessings, such as having friends with whom one can set apart truth from fantasy and still not feel slighted.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

It was such a treasure to have finally gone to the Darussalam Bookshop. I was browing through various book titles and I kept thinking of the people who would insha Allah benefit and learn from some of the books.

I came across an Urdu book that described death and the prescribed manner to go about the subsequent funeral and mourning. Although it was in a dialect that I could have easily understood I felt that by giving it to Nanhi Baji would mean for both of us to understand, since her way of relating to deen is alhamdo lillah easily comprehendable.

Then I thought that to give a book on death to anyone is usually considered a bad omen and the giver is perceived to be either rude or impertinent, when in actuality dead is not brought on by a bad omen nor a seemingly rude intent. Death is the biggest and most constant truth that everyone must inevitably face, and yet we tend to shut our eyes to it all the while that we can.

In essence, we are neglecting Rasool Allah SAWS' words to regard this life as a mere journey.

The entire time I was skimming through that book I kept in mind that Nanhi Baji would appreciate such a gift and actually discuss its content with me. Yet I didn't buy the book. Just not yet.

When I came home to tell her about it, she expressed her keenness to read the book as well. I think of all the times that I tell Ami where some things are kept, and whether I owe money to anyone and she passes it off as it upsets her.

If only we realized that by keeping death in mind for ourselves and our loved ones, we will truly prepare ourselves and actually help the ones we love so much, before and after death.

Alhamdo lillah for people such as Nanhi Baji whom I can discuss my death with the realness that it is shrouded in.
Some days ago I was talking to Zairah and telling her of Ryz's family structure. The conversation included his parents, siblings and Ryz's relationship with them.

Yesterday I met her at Najm Saab's dars and I had brought along the books I bought her from Darussalam.

A part of me felt that Zairah would have a little something for me as well. Such is the content bliss I feel around her.

When I met her, she handed me a gajra for my wrist and I smiled and handed her the bag that contained the books. She then asked whether Ryz had come to the dars as well to which I replied that he hadn't.

She then handed me another gajra, this one being for his sister, Huma.

Why? Because of the mere fact that I was telling her about Huma, Ryz's sister.

I told Ryz that evening, and he was touched to hear it.

I then told him that the reason why Zairah is so fond of him is because she loves me so much. A simple truth that I am reminded of at different points of our friendship.

Alhamdo lillah.