Baji comes tonight insha Allah for Auntie's funeral and burial over the weekend insha Allah. Flashback, and I think of Ami dealing with Nana Abu's passing away, Nanhi Baji dealing with Taya Abu's and Lima dealing with Adnan's. Ryz expresses the void created by his mum passing away through the things he does not say, where his silence speaks much louder than his words. Maybe I feel he does it a lot more than my other loved ones because I tend to tune into his wavelength of emotions more often.

Just that the emotional hypochondriac seeps through and I dread having to see my sister so sad. May Allah Give me strength to be of help to Baji during this time. I remember my frequent trips to the cancer hospice and thinking that I would be best prepared to deal with Nana Abu's growing illness. And yet, no amount of trips or exposure to cancer patients were enough to prepare me for his succumbing to lung cancer.

Allahu Akbar, for He has made me think a lot differently over the years. For when I saw Nanhi Baji during Taya Abu's death, Surah Al-Mulk made me come to terms with death in a way no human philosophy could, probably because all other philosophies and beliefs are truly, merely human.

I could stare forever at the keyboard while searching for a resolution to this post in my mind. Just that there is no resolution. Just dhikr of Allah and subhan Allah, this is sufficient.